Not only was Katy Perry raised a fundamentalist Christian but she also used to be in kiddie pageants. Now it all makes sense! She has that daffy demeanor because she's smiling big for Mommy. She's comfortable in her Hello Kitty cock tease regalia because she grew up shaking her little tushie for the judges. Whipped cream and fireworks come shooting out of her boobs at any given moment in any given video clip because that's showmanship. She probably still wears a flipper! All this lollypop, candy cane Willy Wonka sexuality she rubs in our faces is no different to anything you'd see on an episode of Toddlers and Tiaras. Sure most of those little girls go on to turn into ogres and torture their own daughters with fluro lycra and fruit diets or make a life for themselves on the greased up pole but not our Katy. She's found a way to live in the kiddie pageant spotlight forever. Stay still for your spray tan, Vaseline those teeth and practice your talent routine again - and get it right this time Katy or we will not be going to McDonald's!
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